Hi I am an addict
It’s often when you’re unwell or down with some thing. That you often realise how much you need some thing, like an addict who wants a fix but can’t get it. The small almost impossible changes in how you live your life can impact on your mental state more than you realise. Here I am on the back end of a cold that has cost a small forest and a good few extra strength Lemsips to get over. I then realise that during the time when I wouldn’t do some thing unless it was absolutely necessary like going to the toilet or eating a meal. I then realise the vast majority of my time has been in front of my PC, trying to play a game and have some fun.
At first I passed it off as “Well I can’t do much of any thing anyway. May as well enjoy what I can”. But then you realise that a lot of the time was spent in agony trying to play a game while juggling the body’s affliction with the cold. Be it sneezing so violently you get pretty convinced the next one will come with lungs. You’re still trying to find a Team Fortress 2 game because you want to run about as a medic who goes momentarily blind every time you sneeze. That or sit down to a nice game of Batman Arkham Asylum because nothing makes the Dark Knight more impressive than running into walls or standing still in a fight, as you reach for another tissue.
It’s only been 4 days since I have caught the cold to the point I have stopped sneezing and have a some what normal routine with the cold virus. Yet here I am desperately gnawing at the bit to play more games. I just now realise how much of an obsession it is for me. It’s become such a large part of my life that I can’t remember many times I wasn’t gaming. I am not so much of a fan of single player games. While games like Batman Arkham Asylum can keep me playing happily for hours I tend to avoid the solo player games. I prefer playing with others. Perhaps in part to the first half of my life being 90% all solo games on the old consoles. That now I can’t really stand the thought of missing a really fun night with other people. People who are like me and love games. A world where you’re constantly challenged and mentally engaged beyond the limitations of a well rounded story and plot.
It’s now and only now I can see it clearly. I am an addict, a social games addict. It doesn’t sound very bad and a few people who may read this may think “That isn’t an addiction”. But here I am completely and utterly obsessed with spending time with people who I respect and admire in so many ways. Be it friends I have made over the years who I trust as much as my family. People who I have just met who remind me why the world is great, not just some pointless party that’s went long past its due. To the dingy hours in the morning when common sense would tell you to pack it in and head home or at least some where else. I find myself in the strange position of understanding this and yet I welcome it every day no matter how fit I am for other things.
I promise to keep gaming, in good health or bad.
~Jin